When I started this blog, I said, “I could never be a food blogger. I will never stop to take pictures of my food while it gets cold. That’s just ridiculous. I love reading food blogs, but I would never do that.”
I guess I lied.
My veggie scramble was just so colorful and pretty that I could not resist.
And man oh man, did I ever need some veggies after yesterday’s donut binge. Ugh. In fact, veggies were the only thing that sounded good to me this morning! I guess that’s my body telling me something like,
OK, I forgive you for that crap you fed me yesterday. But let’s be nice to me today, ok? Now give me some damn vegetables. And a berry smoothie, while you’re at it.
So, that’s what I did. Veggie scramble for breakfast, berry-banana-almond butter smoothie right now.
I also threw together a little puréed soup, inspired by this recipe (although I don’t have a cute little nugget to share it with). I heated and then blended some roasted kabocha squash, coconut milk, yellow curry paste, and broth. That way, I can quickly put more veggies in my belly after yoga class. I’m going out to dinner with my parents tonight; I know that if I don’t eat between hot yoga and dinner, I’ll end up mauling the bread basket. And I really, really don’t want to do that.
My relationship with food has been steadily morphing, especially over the past 2 months. Yoga—and the resulting mindfulness and calm—has been a huge part of that. Let me repeat: a huge part.
When I started yoga, I certainly thought it would help me get in shape. I didn’t understand, though, how it would work; I thought it would help me burn off calories and thus lose weight. Really, though, it has helped me listen to my body more and have a more loving relationship with my body. Thus, I eat better, and I feel better, so I’ve lost some weight. I think I’m on to something here, folks!
Getting off the blood-sugar roller coaster has been another huge part of my changing relationship with food. I was never diagnosed as having blood sugar issues, despite being tested. But whenever I got hungry, I became cranky (hangry!), light-headed, head-achey, and nauseous. I couldn’t think straight or really even function. I had to carry food with me at all times to stave off this constantly-impending blood sugar crash, and I was afraid of being hungry.
It was so stressful! I was constantly stuffing my face because of my ongoing battle against hunger. I always over-ate because of it, and I was usually still hungry. And then I was upset about my weight, to boot.
During calorie-counting diet phases, it was even more stressful. Trying to restrict calories without ever being hungry was impossible. I got into a cycle of “I’m hungry so I need to eat, but then I’ll be over my calories for the day, so then I need to work out extra, but then I’ll just be hungrier…” that often ended in tears. Real, little-girl tears.
Doesn’t that sound fun?
It was stressful and exhausting. And all I needed to do was stop eating grains and sugar, and eat more veggies, protein, and fat? No to donuts, yes to bacon. I think I can do that.
It felt like a really big deal to me that I just wanted veggies after the junk I ate yesterday. Historically, if I had binged on Friday, I would have felt defeated and guilty. Therefore I would have carried my binge through the whole weekend. Yuck. Today, I don’t really feel guilty about what I ate yesterday. I just don’t want to do it again.
Is this how normal people feel about food? I wonder. The idea that I might be developing a normal and healthy relationship with food is so exciting!